Rach’s first challenge is a 200 word flash fiiction challenge with the opening lines “The door swung open”. I have already read a slew of strong, varied and talented entries and decided to write outside my normal genre for fun.
The door swung open and she penetrated the throng of partygoers. I had my back to her when she entered, trapped in suffocating conversation with an interior designer. I feigned interest in Feng Shui and bamboo swings, nodding and knitting my brows together in mock agreement. I felt the precise moment she re-entered my universe, like a thousand shooting stars cascading to earth; I held my breath and closed my eyes.
I hadn’t known she had been invited. Would she even remember? The encounter had been so brief, so unlikely, yet my world had imploded with such unreasonable longing, that weeks later I still caught myself taking long, deep lung-fulls of air, trying to control the dancing emotions.
Bowing almost ceremoniously, I extricated myself from shades of magnolia and drifted, my eyes roaming the gregarious groups, flutes tilting back and forth to accustomed lips. She was surrounded by fawning yuppies, men and women, voices interrupting and increasing in decibels as they vied for her attention.
Her smile was so beguiling, each of those sycophants thought it was aimed at them. I knew better, or so I hoped. She turned, centered those grey eyes on me and reeled me wordlessly in.
I shall be away three days in the mountains with students, so please don’t be offended if I don’t manage to reply to your comments until Sunday 😉 I am #238 and bravo if you are courageous enough to have looked through so many entries!
In my 20's, with only my guitar and a rucksack, I wandered the continents, immersing myself in the lives of some wonderful people, projects and stories, which changed the way I view my responsibility to others and this earth. Right now I'm a European transplant in the US who writes books for children and young adults. Stories can help us not only navigate our world but can connect us to others, and allow us to inspire and help each other. I believe that equity and empathy should be at the core of our all actions, words, and stories.
I am also a school librarian and I get a kick out of book-matchmaking! And I use the pronouns she/her.
This is nicely crafted, and creates a lot of anticipation. Of course I’m assuming there’s a cruel twist later where the beguiling woman turns out to be a man or something…
Neil there is a twist, and you are kind of heading in the right direction, but not quite 😉
The imagery is fantastic throughout this piece. And a great story. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the encouragement, Tara.
Wow, Joanna. That was so very well written. You certainly reeled me in, and I hope that this is just the beginning and one day we’ll be able to purchase and read this entire book, because that’s what it needs to be. A book.
Please?
Thank you very much, Beth. I so enjoyed writing this that it gave me encouragement that I do need to stretch myself with other genres!
Exceptional — great to step outside of your comfort zone. Your imagery is beautiful and a little twisted. “flutes tilting back and forth to accustomed lips” — wow. Also feels like you have a cruel twist in mind — it occurred to me they were both women. You really wrote an edgy piece.
Pat, you are super perceptive. It is indeed two women and that is part of the twist.
Great minds think alike. I just felt it as I read the story a second time. 🙂
🙂
This is such a great hook that I’d love for you to complete the story! I want to know what happens! Excellent job on this!
Thank you for visiting, Rebecca, and for your encouragements. You know, I really want to know what happens too 😉
Great job! The imagery here is fantastic! I could really picture the scene and feel the anticipation. Nicely done!
Thank you, Elizabeth.. I could feel the emotions as I wrote.
You used “sycophants.” That’s awesome!
Great party scene! I could totally see myself among the throng. And looking for that certain girl in a party. Talk about a major HS flashback. Awesome work, Joanna! 🙂
Thanks, David. Totally brings back party memories, huh? 🙂
Wow – you’ve created a great sense of longing. I sure wish I knew if they got together that night!
that’s the challenge with all these short stories, Julie, we are left wondering….
I love this story, and I’m glad I read the other comments as well, I don’t think I’d have guessed it was two women, but knowing it now, makes it all the more seductive and powerful. 🙂
Hi Allie, thanks for the encouragement 😉 I was being a little elusive and wondered if the female voice would be picked up. Pat does know me and my writing, so she has a slight advantage I suspect.
Lovely imagery! Well done!
Thanks, Elisabeth.
The writing is beautiful! And I especially love how he/she tries to pretend he’s interested in Feng Shui (sp) and bamboo, it made me chuckle! Nicely done.
Thanks Cortney. It was fun to throw in a little humor into a pretty intense scene!
I liked the part about “reeled me wordlessly in.”
Kudos on a great entry!
Would like to invite you and your readers to take a look at The Rule of Three Blogfest —a month-long extravaganza in the fictional town of Renaissance this October, with some great prizes, comment love, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing.
Would love to see some of your characters create their own story in the town of Renaissance!
Thank you, Damyanti, and I shall certainly check out The Rule of Three Blogfest!
I want to read the rest!!! Great writing!
Thank you, Alexis, that means a lot. And just to say your son was an absolute gem on the trip. He is growing into a super young guy.
Nicely done. I definitly want to understand who the mysterious woman is. Mine is #72 by the way.
Thank you, will pop over and read yours and more tonight.
It reeled me in! Thanks for sharing this. I’m grateful that so many have completed this challenge and shared their work. Hope you had a great trip.
Thank you, Stacey, I so enjoyed this. The trip was awesome… a bunch of teenage boys+mountains+camping+hiking+swimming in rivers etc very cool.
We share a row! And this is one of the best pieces I’ve read today. You had me in the scene and in the head from the first sentence.
Angelina, thank so much for these words of encouragement. I shall be reading yours and others later 😉
I liked this so much, I read it twice. I could read more.
Maeve, thank you, maybe I should just go ahead and write the short story 😉
Very intense- I like it
Thank you, Alica.
Great to meet you! Glad you had a fun trip. I love the mountains!
I am really enjoying your blog, Laura. regularly great content!
Hi Joanne! I’ve mentioned you on my blog and passed on the Versatile Blogger Award. You can find the info here: http://bit.ly/olQktt 😀
Saba, I really do appreciate the Versatile Blogger Award, however, as I have written a list of random facts just a few days ago for my blog for the WriteCampaign and I also did a list in July for a blog award, I think I am going to pass on this one, but am looking forward to following your blog.
Hi Joanna – a lovely piece – great take on the theme. Oddly enough, reminds me a bit of a song … 😉
http://debutnovelist.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/favourite-lyrics-youre-so-vain/
Best of luck with it.
Ali B
Ali, I can totally see why you thought of those lyrics 🙂
I’m very intrigued about the suggestion that there is a twist and gender is heading in the right direction. Will have to stay tuned 🙂
Wagging Tales – Blog for Writers
Will have to write the rest, then, Charmaine 😉
I love the way how you combine words to form such beautiful sentences. There is wonderful imagery in this charming story you created. Brilliant!
Shiraz, thank you for your warm words. I am looking forward to following your posts 🙂
Oh wow! Joanna you totally had me hooked. Great descriptive words, I picked up that it was a woman, just. Make it a book, I will pick it up in a heart beat. Something tells me you to are trying something you don’t normally do, ……wonderful 🙂
Thanks, Diane. Yes, outside my experience for sure, but it felt comfortable!
I love the way the scene is described! I sense there’s something different about the woman, though; and I have to wonder what it is. 🙂
Thanks for coming by my entry!
Thank you! I really feel I want to finish the story now 🙂
Joanna I just loved your story. I really enjoyed your writing style. Beautifully written! Thanks for visiting my blog and reading my story 🙂
Thanks, Jessica, I am keeping my fingers crossed for you getting into round 3 😉
Thanks Joanna 🙂 I made the shortlist…not sure if that counts as round three…we’ll see!
WOOT! Sure does 🙂
oooh, I am hooked! I definitely want to hear the rest of this.
Gail, these truly are encouraging words, thank you 🙂
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